Tanja Maduzia

Halloween

2011-11-09T14:12:00.000-08:00

RIP Joe

2011-11-08T12:54:00.001-08:00

"I hit him with body shots that would have brought down cities."
--Muhammad Ali, on the power of the punches Ali threw at Frazier

Another one bites the dust

2011-10-24T18:30:00.000-07:00

I'm so bummed that my new fish, Little Richard, has passed away. I don't know what happened, I took such good care of him? Maybe I spoke too soon on the whole maternal instincts bit...

Better days. So happy, just swimming away

Little Richard LOVED my mama. Literally. All he did was stare at her ALL DAY long.

The beginning of the end

So long my friend...

Baby Vinko

2011-10-22T14:01:00.000-07:00

I've never been a baby person. I've always felt slightly uncomfortable when people make me hold their baby -- or worse, show me the millions of pictures they've taken of them...until now. I am very happy to announce that the maternal gene has not passed over me, I have it! My sister Theresa has just had her first baby and I am in loooooove. Now, I don't know if my change of heart heart has to do with him being the cutest baby I've ever laid eyes on or because we share the same blood line, but I just adore the little one. I never thought I'd see the day. Here's the little stinker...

SAD

2011-10-05T19:43:00.000-07:00

"You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future...You have to trust in something: your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life." -Steve Jobs (commencement speech @ Stanford, 2005)

me, me and more me

2011-06-27T14:14:00.000-07:00

A few more pictures from the COULEURS de SAISON photo shoot...

One down...

2011-06-19T22:17:00.000-07:00

One year ago today, my best friend/sister married the best man I know. Happy Anniversary Theresa and Chris -- missing you both terribly...

D.O.N.E.

2011-05-23T10:52:00.000-07:00

A very big congratulations to my beautiful friend, Ryan, who just graduated from Pepperdine University with a Masters Degree AND a 4.0 GPA!!! She's quite the woman...

Making personalized cards for people is one of my favorite things to do. Here's the card I made Ry for her graduation...

Everyday = casual friday. For me.

2011-05-20T15:20:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure if I was at any other establishment, they would kindly ask me to leave

You'd think for as many times as I've had to re-do projects for dropping food on it, I wouldn't eat (directly over) my work. You would think. This picture is just painful to look at

Why don't I dress up? Because every day I either get a sticker, a rhinestone, some glitter, even a brad on occasion, stuck in my hair. Sometimes all at the same time.

A few of the things I've made the last couple days...

COULEURS de SAISON

2011-05-17T23:06:00.000-07:00

Here are a few snap shots of the shoot I just did with COULEURS de SAISON. Thank you Nancy for my gold clutch -- I've been toting it everywhere!

Mother's Day cards

2011-05-13T12:48:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day is a BUSY time for me at work. Here are just a few of the cards I made for my clients...

Its a messy job

I was so swamped with work that I barely made the deadline for overnight delivery so my OWN mother would receive her gift on time. LOVE you mama!!!!!

Easter

2011-05-13T11:51:00.001-07:00

So happy to have my mom fly out to LA so we could spend Easter together

Since childhood, on Easter morning my mom has hid plastic eggs full of goodies around the house for my sister and I to find. Nowadays, instead of candy filled eggs, we get $$$!

Off to church.

Back to the house where my mom set up another egg hunt for Pauline and I

My two favorite ladies...

As usual, I spilled on myself. Lucky for me, Pee always takes care of it

FULL

Just when we thought we couldn't laugh anymore - Pee spotted a police cruiser with a dummy cop inside on the PCH. Obviously, checking this out was a must

Pen in the pocket...nice touch. Such attention to detail

Of course, it wouldn't be a holiday without some crafting going on. Here's the table setting for Easter dinner. Making place cards is one of my favorite things to do

Thank you mom for coming out -- LOVE YOU, you're the best!!!

w.o.r.k.

2011-04-20T09:05:00.000-07:00

Along with creating custom invitations, I scrapbook. A lot. I'm very proud of the pile I've completed so far this week...

Sometimes when I'm at the studio, I help other people work on their projects as well. The lovely (and very funny) Tiffany, with her Howard alumni scrapbook...

Looks great so far luv! Can't wait to see it completed!!!

double take

2011-04-18T10:17:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have days where you glance in the mirror before leaving the house and think -- I really shouldn't be wearing this outfit in public...

And to think I was embarrassed of my attire! Little did I know, I was on the fashion forefront. The real question is...who wore it best?

playdate

2011-04-15T22:01:00.000-07:00

Such a fun day helping out with Easter art projects at Ivy Academia's 2nd grade class this afternoon!

The cricket came in handy making all these die-cuts...

I'm a person of wide interests - which include, among other things, pasting things together with elmers glue

My lovely friend, Ryan. I finally got to see "Ms. Dowler" in action -- such a phenomenal teacher!

The finished project...

L-O-V-E this...

Thank you for having me -- can't wait to come back!!!

COULEURS de SAISON

2011-04-14T22:41:00.000-07:00

Just worked with my friend on a photo shoot for her company, Couleurs de Saison. I wonder if that necklace comes in tandem?

gone baby gone

2011-04-14T13:07:00.000-07:00

My sister/best friend/better half, Theresa, moved to Italy three days ago. MASSIVE change. Since she won't have a phone for a few weeks and since I'm accustomed to speaking to her multiple times daily - this presents a huge inconvenience for me. However, to my delight, she sent me a lovely email this morning with the play by play of her travels so far. Here is an excerpt...

"TERRENTIAL downpour yesterday. Which made me discover that none of my shoes are suitable for walking on damp marble floor. Going to have to visit a cobbler asap to get some tread things put on the bottom of all my shoes because I almost bit it a half dozen times yesterday.

Naples is a dump. And I mean literally, since there's garbage piled in the streets everywhere. Since my feet were still swollen yesterday from traveling and I didn't want to look like a stupid American wearing my running shoes, I wore flat sandals last night after it had stopped raining when we went for a walk to try to find a place to eat. Four miles later and I think I accumulated every disease possible from the streets on my feet - I promptly washed them when I returned to our room and am trying to figure out a way to disinfect my shoes"

God bless my family.

Good thing my security blanket (Pauline) lives a stones throw away and has graciously rendered her company to soften the blow. I predict April will be full of slumber parties.

LOVE YOU sister -- missing you terribly...

The cake was as good as it looked

2011-04-13T12:01:00.000-07:00

I love parties with themes. Correction -- I love parties with themes I like/don't have to wear ridiculous costumes to. That being said - Lynnsay, one of my most beloved friends, celebrated her birthday with a parisian style dinner in honor of her upcoming spring getaway to France.

Amazing cake!

Compliments of Sweet Lady Jane...

Three ways you can spot the gift I brought in a lineup:
1. It's the prettiest
2. It usually involves a basket with multiple gifts which are all individually wrapped in expensive Italian paper and have perfectly symmetrical bows tied to them
3. It's the prettiest

The exterior of the birthday box/card I made...

Wish I would have snapped the interior as well but I was too busy doing this...

Everyone always asks me what materials I use -- here you go...

Bon Voyage L - don't be gone for too long!!!

My favorite things from 2010

2011-02-09T17:23:00.001-08:00

8000 15th Avenue

2010-11-09T13:54:00.000-08:00

In this last year, a lot of major changes have been unfolding for my family. Most recently, my mother, Mary Maduzia , has decided that after 35 years of running her own business – Bogart, Bremmer & Bradley Antiques, she will be retiring at the end of the calendar year.

Bogart, Bremmer & Bradley was established in 1975 and since has been ranked as one of the top destinations in the country for antique lighting and furniture. All pieces, rare and immaculately refurbished, my mother has hand selected to be apart of her showroom in Seattle, Washington.

Since announcing her retirement; phone calls, flowers, drop-ins from old customers – even news articles have flooded in, all expressing love and appreciation for all her services over the last few decades. With everything that’s been said and written about my moms shop recently, I couldn’t help but notice words like ‘iconic’ ‘powerhouse’ and ‘impact’ are always included. Well, those same words can also be used to describe my mother herself. Along with intuitive, cunning, intelligent, tenacious – and if you’ve ever had the pleasure to engage in conversation…blunt.

Ever since childhood, people have always taken it upon themselves to inform me of my mothers flawless taste and unwavering work ethic. An innovator to the core, she built her antiques business from the ground up and has very few to thank for any help in the success she has cultivated. Although her decision is an exciting one, it’s also heart wrenching at the same time. This business, literally, has been a second home and huge part of my identity since the day I was born. If the trade off wasn’t getting to spend more time with mom, especially an actual Saturday, then I would be opposed. But I’m not.

I can’t tell you how appreciative I am to the community for their outpouring of love over the last few months. Thank you, thank you so much – it means everything to me and my family!!!

Since today is also my moms birthday, I wanted to say a special thank you to her for not only being such a remarkable parent but an incredible example of achievement for my sister and I to look to. Being a single mother, I will never understand how you were always able to do it all.

Happy Birthday mama - I’ve never been more proud of anything then of the association I have to you. Here’s to the next chapter of your life…

Halloween

2010-11-09T13:31:00.000-08:00

Buble or Bust

2010-09-17T14:14:00.000-07:00

Bursting at the seams to see bubbles

Fact: We were the youngest people at the concert

Michaels running late? No prob, we know all the songs

You're killin me...

I hate it when he moves to the other half of the stage!!!

Call me crazy/obsessed fan but the man can't take his eyes off of me...

Ain't she cute?

Love you L - had so much fun!

Take it home...

I like...

2010-09-17T14:11:00.000-07:00

P.O.B.

2010-09-01T10:39:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday POB!!!! I love you like you love Miller High life....

volim te baba...

2010-08-31T22:41:00.001-07:00

Music

2010-08-25T19:43:00.000-07:00

In specific order, these are the things I liked most about the John Mayer concert...

As usual, my best friend Pee is always at the top of the list

Thank you for sparing me and not playing I'm on fire

I LOVE garlic fries. LOVE.

We make it rain concession stand receipts.

Very pleased with our selections!

Having a fun experience usually comes at the price of using a public restroom

Just in case she wants to switch up her hair style...two scrunchies on the wrist and one clip on her collar will most definitely do the trick. You gotta love a woman who comes prepared.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

2010-08-11T22:21:00.000-07:00

Very excited to be going to the John Mayer concert in a couple of weeks...

Here is something I am NOT excited about seeing...

SAD day for us Huskies.

A day at the sandbox

2010-08-09T21:21:00.000-07:00

LOVE you Lo!!!!

clawing my way up the ladder...

2010-08-01T21:49:00.000-07:00

So...my phone officially died and I was forced to get a new blackberry. Usually, I HATE this process but this little jewel kept me laughing through my duration in the store...

This is the celebrity clientele?!?! Apparently, to acquire the honor of having your picture on the wall, you have to be a really bad actor (except bob newhart!) or people can't have any idea who you actually are. I fit the bill!!! Tom (the owner) agrees and has graciously asked me to return with my OWN signed picture which he will hang up for everyone to see.

Which picture to pick now...and what should I write??? I'm definitely not going to write something lame like Dean McDermott "can you hear me now!!!"
He probably gets bombarded with these requests frequently and doesn't have the time to come up with something more clever. Luckily for me, my week is wide open and I plan to give this project a hefty amount of thought.

While I'm on the topic of things that shouldn't be happening...the new LA Magnolia Bakery has already SHUT DOWN?? Apparently, they felt no need to have a health permit. Not to call anyone out, but had I not frequently dined at a certain ex boyfriends house (which I can't imagine any other venue being more susceptible for germs) for an extended period of time without harm, I'd be a little peeved over this.

Magnolia Bakery in LA

2010-07-23T09:39:00.000-07:00

New York's Magnolia Bakery just opened up shop in LA. Of course, I went to scope it out.

Never seen these in an establishment like this before. Must be secure in your masculinity to be working at a cupcake parlor. The one on the right looks a little on the fence

I like

They don't sell pudding at enough places!!!

I tried a couple things. Liked the cornmeal and maple cookies. Didn't like the icing on the red velvet. At all. Thought the regular cupcakes were good but nothing special. Throughly enjoyed the lemon cake...would definitely go back for that.

More Italy

2010-07-18T22:04:00.000-07:00

The Invitations I made for my sisters wedding

Pizza night was ridiculously fun

Theresa and my new brother!!!

Fact: The maid of honor has the privilege of carrying all the brides stuff. All day long.

Our reaction once the cake was presented. Apparently, in the deep countryside of Italy, this is what a wedding cake looks like. I may need to take a time portal back to 1989 to confirm, but isn't this my first communion cake???

Dangerously close to becoming an Italian pop star. DANGEROUSLY CLOSE

My two best friends

The human equivalent of "low point"

2010-07-16T10:18:00.000-07:00

Traffic School Superstar

2010-07-14T22:12:00.000-07:00

First rule of traffic school: YOUR CAR IS A WEAPON

My teacher is ALL about using props...

I've never been so depressed in my life as when we went over roughly twenty of the most horrific drinking and driving/being on the phone/speeding fatality stories. So tragic and horrible!!!

I'm a genius...

The highlight of my 12 hour course is when I won an award! No, seriously - I WON an award!!! Must be because I insisted on using this bad boy to tell why I was locked up...

Word to the wise...

Cooking at Sur La Table

2010-07-09T12:58:00.000-07:00

LOVE to play around in Sur La Table's kitchen

Being out in public still can't keep me from sticking my finger in things

Always the center of my own attention

Fact: No one makes squash soup like my Heidi and Micol

Perfection

Notice I never take my eye off my task - sign of a true perfectionist. Unfortunately, others do not always do the same. Example being the cupcake at five o'clock.

Making your own pasta is the coolest thing ever

Happy Birthday Lynnsay!!!

Always have to keep it real

I didn't know Stevie Wonder was into cake decorating

2010-07-06T19:06:00.000-07:00

'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder' -- there has never been a saying that's rang more true to me than that. And incidentally today, I was presented with a tangible example to back it up.

Now, coming to an appointment bearing gifts is always such a thoughtful thing to do - but oh lord my afternoon meeting brought a gift which left me speechless...

Decorating FAIL. The good news is I know what I'm getting a certain someone for their birthday...icing tools!

While I'm on the topic of business, I'd like to introduce my new found passion/venture. Although my Invitation company is thriving more than ever, I find myself unfulfilled and have decided to moonlight as a pet-sitter. Here's my flyers that I'll be posting all over Los Angeles. Since I'm new to the game I would really appreciate any business/referrals - please no dogs or cats though, I only specialize in reptiles.

you ate so much, you nearly split your pants...

2010-07-04T10:21:00.000-07:00

Time to play a fun little game called 'where's tanja?' Some of you may know it as 'where's waldo' but instead of looking for a man with cataracts glasses and a stripped red and white shirt, you're looking for a really smart, pretty girl holding a bouquet of flowers. This may be too vague as my sister is also in these pictures. Ok - look for the girl that BARELY fits into her dress. Hmmm...still same problem as the last description. Well, I'm the one in the corner that's never standing next to/kissing a man. This description will also ring true for all other pictures I decide to post of the wedding so no one gets confused.

If I may, I'd also like to take this time to thank my sister again for having her wedding fall at the END of our european trip. GREAT idea to throw a party where everyone has to slip into a tight dress and have their picture taken (and documented for the rest of their life) after weeks of stuffing their face with cheese and bread. If we only brought spanx...

I prefer multiple choice

2010-07-01T23:20:00.000-07:00

I'm not a fine print kind of girl. This was severely reinstated to me this week when I naively applied to enter in Oprah's win a show contest. See, I thought I could just whip out the camcorder, say hi and submit. I thought very wrong. Why? There was also a questionnaire, that my hand to god, rivaled the length of the SAT's!!! Have you committed a felony...Have you ever hit someone...What's your most special hobby...etcetera, etcetera. I did really good at answering the first two hours but after I cracked the three digit questions my attention span ran for the hills.

Take me or leave me!!!

Back to work...

p.s. how is costco not built into spellcheck?!?

vote. for me.

2010-06-29T18:56:00.001-07:00

I love Oprah. So much that I just entered a contest to win a show on her new network OWN! I've been away for much of the contest and would love for you to vote for me. If you would be so kind, click this link HERE to vote. Then HERE again to vote once more. Then HERE again. Then finally HERE. Thank you!

Haywire

2010-06-27T13:34:00.000-07:00

Last night while I was doing a little thing I like to call 'take all the stuff I don't want anymore and dump it on goodwill's door because I'm too embarrassed to bring it in person' I started laughing at the massive pile of bags I accumulated next to the "NO DUMPING ALLOWED" sign. Naturally, I pulled out my blackberry to capture the moment.

This is what the picture SHOULD have looked like...

If you know me, you are most definitely aware of my constant mobile phone mishaps. FIVE phones so far in 2010. Unfathomable. If I may, I'd like to reiderate that I have not dropped it ONCE - all of this nonsense is strictly due to shoddy equipment AND what I like to call, the electronic curse.

Don't believe in such a thing? Then let me take you for a little stroll down memory lane. Well, there's my laptop that started "burning from the inside out" two days after the warranty had expired, my microwave which blasted for no apparent reason, my bran new digital camera that I dropped ONCE on a PLUSH carpet and never resumed to turn on again, ALL my cell phones and lets not forget the bran new ipod I bought which suddenly went into an untimely coma. Luckily for me, the flippin disc man that my sister gifted me (over a decade ago!!!) is still tip top.

Yes, this picture is of me...a couple weeks ago. My very own friend was making fun of me and took a picture to, and I quote, "re-live" SAD.

What can I do about it? NOTHING. But as luck would have it, YOU can! It seems when I buy something, it bites the dust, but when others do, it works just fine. Now, if I can be so bold, I've assembled a list of things I'd love to have. And coincedentally, my birthday is in a few short months which gives ample time to plan, save and surprise me.

My wish list: A new apple laptop (in silver) or the ibook, an ipod (silver or black), digital video camera, a wii, and I've never used one but the new ipad looks kinda cool too. Look, I'm not picky - if you run across something that speaks to you...get it! I'm sure I'll love it - if not, that's what gift receipts are for ;)

I'd also like to mention that I am utterly thankful for the camera portion of my phone going haywire this time instead of mysteriously deleting all of my text messages like it did the last three times. Looks like another trip to the Verizon store is on the agenda...

It was the best of times

2010-06-25T12:11:00.000-07:00

Just got back from my summer trip to Italy. Amazing.

One of the best things about going away is most definitely having your presence missed by the people you love most...

This is especially heart warming as I went to great lengths to return with gifts to match their unwavering friendship. What did I bring back? Probably not what my fellow card carrying vegetarians would...Italian smoked sausages. Yes, I realize this plays out as a conflict of interest, but I know what my girls love...MEAT. I am also giving myself a pass on the grounds that it would make my late Baba very proud. Of all the things I could ever get in hot water for, smuggling an entire suitcase full of products that were strictly prohibited on the customs form that I neglected to properly fill out, would most definitely bring a smile to her face. And I was right - Jolana nearly flipped her bean at the sight of it...

Unfortunately, I didn't anticipate the repercussions of such a bold act of love. Yes, just like all my other good deeds, this too has gone punished. Only this time in the form of my brand new Jimmy Choo stilettos wreaking of smoked meat. Lovely.

Most importantly, a huge congratulations to my sister and Chris on their incredible Italian wedding! What an amazing experience - pictures soon to follow...

everyday art

2010-02-18T14:33:00.000-08:00

How clever and BEAUTIFUL is this? I wish they all looked this way...

I made this mess this morning in FOUR minutes!!! God help me.

v-day morning

2010-02-15T11:04:00.000-08:00

Opening up cards from my mom and sister was the perfect way to start off valentines day...

Work

2010-02-10T09:59:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I do it...

and sometimes I paint my nails and watch movies on tbs...

I love working at home.

Hob-knobbin with S...

2010-02-10T09:50:00.000-08:00

Love catching up with fellow crafter Steffanie Gee. Her work is AMAZING.

Our mutual admiration is through the roof so our conversation consists of us taking turns saying "you're absolutely fabulous!"

We show published work, sip coffee and brainstorm project ideas...

can't wait to see what you come up with next!

Well read

2010-02-03T11:51:00.000-08:00

Had a great catch-up date this last weekend with my friend/photographer RJ. We popped into my FAVORITE store Dragon Books where he took these...

Fact: you know a book is out of your price range when it's displayed behind glass.

"Do you have anything in here that I can afford? NO? Drats."

First edition of Jane Austens Emma. Not a bad way to spend $30,000.00

How beautiful are these book ends?

Thanks RJ!!!

I heart Michael Buble

2010-01-26T10:33:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I forget how cool it is to live in LA. Then I get to attend a private concert with...

and it all comes back to me.

Lynnsay and I were determined to be noticed. I ditched my signature black for an ensemble that said "look at me!"

Romantic dinner for two before the show...

If you close your eyes it doesn't feel like you're kissing paper...

Kinda creepy...

"Michael, pleeeease...you're embarrassing me! Sing to the other girls for a while..."

Has anyone seen Zach and Slater? Just switch out the wine for a strawberry milkshake and you got Kelly Kapowski hangin at the Max...

Well, I may not have got MB but I did score a hot blonde to go home with...

Lovely Ladies

2009-10-27T12:25:00.000-07:00

Costco - my safety blanket. The place I go to…well…escape my day to day adversities. Also, home of the VITA-MIX 5200.

If you haven't heard of the VITA-MIX 5200, you probably have a very active social life. But if you have, then you know its pretty much the holy grail of blenders (see price tag below). Did I mention I have one? Yeah, I do. I don't mean to brag (white lie) but after six months of consistently visiting, dreaming and meagerly saving for one - its finally MINE ALL MINE!

The most unfathomable part is, it was a GIFT! I know, insane!!! This year, as a birthday present, these wonderful ladies surprised me with it!!!

Lynnsay- the boss and brains of the operation

Nancy- the one who would sell her organs on the black market before I went without one

Micol- the one I’m going to name a smoothie after

Heidi- the only one brave enough to try my green seaweed drink

Chenoa- the one I'm going to have fun experimenting with

A million times thank you ladies! I look forward to showing my love and admiration to you in the form of liquid amazingness...

Pumpkin Carving

2009-10-25T09:36:00.000-07:00

Yo Mama

2009-10-14T23:16:00.000-07:00

Someone put this on my mothers car today. I can't stop laughing.

Birthday pinata....harder than it looks!!!

2009-09-30T15:02:00.000-07:00

Sadder than sad

2009-09-14T17:58:00.000-07:00

You will be missed...

My new bff

2009-09-12T15:42:00.000-07:00

You know when someone does something and you think -- we would really get along. Look closely...

Martha would be proud

2009-09-11T11:45:00.000-07:00

Ahhhhh...my house...

I love coming home, especially when my mom doesn't make me do things like...

That's not to say there was no work involved. Usually when Cinderella's back in town my mom breaks out the weed wacker. This time, it was all kept in the kitchen...

The crime scene...

There are a few reasons why I've never worked in the food industry. This is one...

My cupcakes came out PERFECT!!!

Another satisfied customer...

Heavenly? I'd say purgatory at best.....

2009-08-26T08:36:00.000-07:00

There's not many things in life that I enjoy more then a great cupcake. Being a self proclaimed cupcake connoisseur, I patron new bake shops whenever I get the chance and scrupulously rate my flavor of choice......the Red Velvet. Unfortunately, I've pillaged Los Angeles, so when I recently went to San Diego, checking out trendy Heavenly Cupcakes was a MUST.

Now, before I give the verdict, let me explain my grading method. I have to love it, anything less is not worth the fat. Harsh? I don't think so. You see, in my tween years, when I'd eat an entire mediocre pizza and never gain a pound, it was easy to be a soft critic. Yeah, maybe it wasn't great, but it didn't effect the size of my tush so who cares.....right? Now, times have changed. I work out hard, all the time, specifically so I can enjoy anything that has cheese, icing or peanut butter on it. And I gladly do it so I can enjoy what I'm eating. But if I eat something fatty and it disappoints AND I have to run like a Nigerian sprinter to make sure my body stays in tact........I'm peeved. Let's get on with the results, shall we! Drum roll pleezzzeeee......

Verdict: FAIL

The icing was too sweet, too runny and the cake was dry as can be. And my mom and sister also disliked it, which pretty much means my opinion just turned into a fact. I suggest if you're in the gas lamp district, head to The Neighborhood for some sweet potato fries instead......they won't disappoint!

Never trust a big butt and a smile....

2009-08-25T12:27:00.000-07:00

I wish I invented this....

2009-08-25T12:24:00.001-07:00

Miss T

2009-08-13T22:49:00.000-07:00

Now, I'd have to double check with my mother, but I'm pretty sure I came out of the womb wearing gold hoops. Yes, that's right, for as long as I can remember, I've been a fan of the color gold. Although I express my admiration in many ways, my love is most evident in my never understated jewelry ensemble. I wear a lot of gold - so much in fact that on a recent doctors visit, when I insisted on removing it all before I stepped on the scale, the nurse thought it "wouldn't be a bad idea."

Some may find it tacky to be so flashy in our current economic crisis, but I disagree. This opinion maaaaay have a little to do with my use of jewelry as a flirting method. I feel since the value of Gold has increased, my jewelry is a subliminal sign to all the potential suitors out there that I'm a 'good investment.' I know, I know - its not good to mix business with pleasure but every little bit counts......right? I think all the Cosmo girl's out there would agree.

My accessoriesing soul mates....

Happy Birthday Chris!

2009-08-12T20:25:00.000-07:00

But when is my action figure going to come out?

2009-08-07T14:24:00.000-07:00

Dilemma: Which one should I buy?!?

2009-08-04T10:10:00.000-07:00

San Diego

2009-07-23T13:25:00.000-07:00

THE MIKE I LIKE

2009-07-13T11:08:00.000-07:00

before people get too sick of this whole MJ mania (am i too late?) i thought i would give you my favorite tracks and remixes from the man himself.

michael jackson - what you dont know (eli edit)

michael jackson - p.y.t (original 12" remix)

michael jackson - i cant help it (tangoterje edit)

jackson 5 - were almost there (dj spinna remix)

michael jackson - rock with you (square remix)

jackson 5 - aint no sunshine (ssy remix)

michael jackson & swv - right here (human nature duet) .....re-post

jackson 5 - i wanna be where you are .......probably my favorite mj song

jackson 5 - walk on by (live)

michael jackson - billie jean (home demo)

Note: to download songs just click the “artist – song”

this was originally posted on my own blog HERE.

A fairy tale wedding...

2009-07-10T12:29:00.000-07:00

Q & A with the new guest blogger

2009-07-08T15:13:00.000-07:00

You: Who are you and WTF are you doing here?

POB: First off, thanks for the warm welcome! I am the Prince of Ballard, and I am here to share music!

You: Are you funny or pretty?

POB: Yes! Both! Tanja is the ugly boring version on me.

You: what are some of your hobbies and interests?

POB: well, I like swimming, round butts, and Miller High Life in the can (in no particular order).

You: Will you please post some T-Pain, or John Mayer?!!

POB: NO………

Good talk guys…….now onto the music. For this first post I thought I would give you a couple of song I have made. The first being one of Tanja’s favorites, and the second being everyone else’s favorite. Hopefully you will like at least one.

Etta James – I’d Rather Go Blind (Prince of Ballard Edit)

Jay-Z – 99 Problems (Prince of Ballard Remix)

Note: to download songs just click the “artist – song”

Can't always get what you want

2009-07-02T14:39:00.000-07:00

Don't let the ribbon fool you - making wedding invitations for a living isn't as glamorous as it sounds. Its actually quite the messy job. Especially today as I forgot to pick up my toys last night and am seriously resisting getting back in my play pen. Grrrr.

When I'm faced with an adversity like this, I go to the internet to clear my head. What, praytel, did I find to distract me before I threw myself into the trenches? Celebrity look-alike collage!!!! I've ALWAYS wanted to do this so my excitement was through the roof. Unfortunately, just like the 99% of all the other times I've had high expectations, I got shot down. It was all going so well to start.....Jessica Alba, Grace Kelly..... James Gandolfini ......wait ....WHAT! JAMES GANDOLFINI?!? Insecurity and bewilderment sets in.

Now, the problem with these kinds of situations is I can't say I don't look like one of them because that would mean there is obviously a flaw in the system and if one is wrong, then they all could be wrong. And I don't want them all to be wrong because I reallyreallyreallyreallyreally want to pretend I somewhat resemble the other girls!!! That would totally give me the inspiration I need to start cleaning up my craft room! Hmmmm......what to believe? Could I really have Julias dazzling smile and .......also.......maybe .......coincidentally really.....and only in bad lighting.....Gandolfinis big fat head? Ugg.....that's a tough one.

FINE! But I want to be called Tony.

It's amazing what I can get finished before 10am

2009-07-01T11:53:00.000-07:00

If I wanted a 'suggestion' of how to be 'better' I would have called my mother

2009-06-29T14:42:00.000-07:00

FORTUNE
*Noun
*What will happen in the future

Recently I got this adorable little matchbook of love fortunes. I'm obsessed with it. So much In fact that getting my daily dose of romantic fortune cookie wisdom has quickly become the highlight of my mornings. Until today.....

Firstly, THIS IS NOT A FORTUNE! Secondly, I have mirrors and am well aware I resemble the cast of fraggle rock when I wake up. I don't need to be told, in writing nonetheless, that my 'personal hygiene should not be neglected.' Thirdly, today in particular I am in need of a little assistance in the romance department and was depending on the love gods coming through for me ;( UGH!!! (Unfortunately, typing in caps and using the mean face emoticon doesn't even come close to expressing my dissatisfaction).

So.......what's a girl to do? Should I pluck another that I feel is more suitable or break out the salt scrub and call it a day? Hmmmm......rocking the love boat is a risky move. Begrudgingly, I suppose I'll have to abide by the beggars can't be choosers philosophy today. Shower before noon it is......

No words...

2009-06-29T11:15:00.000-07:00

Las Vegas. Bachlorette Party. Oh my.

2009-05-27T23:37:00.000-07:00

First things first.....the bed. Now, I'm no princess and the pea, but comfortable sleeping conditions are imperative. How was my mattress? Let's see.....

It was puuuuurrrffeecccct!

Working on my tan

Making friends at the pool

It all started out so innocent

Should have put down the drinks.....HERE

Well.....we felt sexy

The most intense five minutes of my life

Don't think you can afford to stay at the Ritz? Try jacking the maids cart! I thik I make have broke even.

Annoying Customer

2009-05-20T09:14:00.000-07:00

I love sample day at costco more than I could ever express. On a recent trip to my happy place, I decided to play a game called 'How many samples could I get consecutively, while still standing there before they ask me to "move along."'
This is a risky operation - usually I take two (always one for my mom) then linger around for a minute, slyly go back for more and repeat this pattern until I think I'm made. The object is to get as many 'free refills' while still being unnoticed. I've never just stood there like a complete glutton and acted like the sample table was my own personal buffet.....well, until now.
How many samples did I acquire before I was politely asked to leave? Drumm roll please...........SEVEN. This is now my most favorite game in the world. My goal is 20. Stay tuned.

The new shadow box I made for my kitchen.....

2009-05-20T09:11:00.000-07:00

Diary of a mad black woman

2009-05-09T12:25:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day is here again - and what better way to show my love and admiration for my mother than with the excessively open forum that is my blog.

I must say, I've been waiting for this holiday to come around as I still live with the guilt for falling short on her birthday a couple months ago. Unfortunately, I didn't plan properly and had to overnight my mothers present to ensure it arrived in time. All was well until......WHAT......it shows how much the postage is right on the front of the box?!? Uuuutttooooohhhh - the warden (pet name) is not going to like this!

You see, my family immigrated from Croatia as penniless refugees, and the act of throwing money away senselessly is unacceptable. Needless to say, I had to cover my tracks.

My mission: Persuade Rita, the lovely post office worker to cover up the cost of postage.

Me: is there annnny way you can cover up the cost of the shipping?

Rita: No

Me: Yeeaaaah.....this a present for my mom and she's gonna go bananas if she sees how much it was to send this. Can't you just cover that little itty bitty part up with a 'fragile' sticker?

Rita: No, I cannot.

Me: Well, I just......

Rita: You shoudda planned better. Especially if this is fo ya mother.

Me: I realize this but...

Rita: I don't wanna hear it! You're just like my kids- "Mamma I'm sooooorrry" Don't plan, don't save, don't THINK! That's why ya'll are broke! Did you know you can.......

Unfortunately, I have a hard time recalling the rest of our conversation as I started to look around and noticed EVERYONE captivated by my lashing. Looks like I missed out on customer service day.

Mission status: FAILURE

Although I didn't feel my actions had warranted such a tirade, I did learn my lesson and mom received her mothers day gift with plenty of time to spare. Its the least I can do for all she has done. My mom even claims she walked through the valley of death for me, but I know for a fact its not true. Unless the valley of death is code for the block and a half she would walk to 7 11 to support the apocalyptic fudgesicle addiction she had when she was pregnant with me.

So, my lovely mother, happy mothers day. I may not have walked through the valley of death for you, but walking through the valley of Rita's wrath was no picnic either.

hot mess

2009-05-05T11:22:00.001-07:00

Ever since spring began, I've noticed new love in the air more than ever. Unfortunately, as great as love is, it also comes with a whole set of problems. Enter the battle of proper communication.

As I'm sure the inventor of text messaging thought they had just come up with the best invention since waterproof M80's, they in fact just single handedly changed the dating world as we know it. Phone calls seem to be extinct, as boys think texting is their only way of communicating with us. This peeves me.

Why? Because just as girls don't like to go to the bathroom without a partner, they don't like send a message without it being proof read either. I myself don't like to collaborate, but have been called upon increasingly for double checks. So much in fact that I think the joke 'how many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb' doesn't hold a candle to the sad truth 'how many girls does it take to construct a text message?' It seems the answer is always plural. Now, waiting around for a boy to text me isn't how i want to spend my fertile years, so I request phone time. I haven't been able to come up with a brilliant response, but until I do 'call me' seems to do the trick.

Speaking of brilliant texts, I would like to share the most amazing jewel of a text message I've ever received. It came from an eastern european gentleman, so if you can swing the accent, you will most definitely get double the laugh.

My answer?
"I'd like to be 'onest' with you....its never gonna happen.....

On a mission and I'm wishin someone can cure my lonely condition...

2009-04-30T15:10:00.000-07:00

Lent is OVER.

One word, two syllables: cupcake(s)

Where did I go to have a sugar packed free-for-all? Hansens Cakes of course! After hours, the amazing Suzi Finer let me come in to have whatever my heart desired. I repeat......WHATEVER. Bad idea. Telling me I can have whatever I want is the equivalent to inviting a vampire into your home. Needless to say I ransacked the kitchen . Yum.

After I failed the 'I'm only going to have
one cupcake' game I pretended I was a food critic.
My Top 5 List
1. Carrot Cake
2. Double Chocolate
3. Red Velvet
4. Raspberry filling
5. Lemon Cake

Thank you Hansons - I'm still full!!!

SOS

2009-04-24T11:20:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered what happens when the rhythm actually gets you? That would be my fantasy reality. Unfortunately for me, digital cameras have captured many moments of me in my captive state.

After a night of ballyhoo with my lady friends, "Where's the camera?" is most certainly the first thought on the brain. This is to ensure I dispose of all evidence of me (painstakingly use this word) dancing.

Life wasn't always like this though. Not so many moon ago, I was a dancer. I've always loved dancing and with choreography, I'm lovely. However, when I go rogue from my training (i.e. freestyling + champagne) its not a pretty sight. My moves of choice usually involve arms spiraling in the air, my hair shaking all around and oh let's not forget how I loooove to make it a sing along. The combo of the three is quite something - and if I may, the fact I can complete without injury, is almost a miracle. Recently I was nicknamed as 'dancy pants maduzia.' In honor of my new found title, here are some classics.....

Say what?

2009-04-20T09:14:00.000-07:00

I don't subscribe to the statement 'there is no such thing as a stupid question.' I think there are lots of stupid questions, and I think if someone thinks they're in possession of one, they should keep it to themselves. Or, look it up on the internet - you can find everything on there for pete's sake!

Just the other day someone had the nerve to ask me, and I quote "what my blog was about." Ummmmm isn't it obvious? My blog is about ME! My opinions, my feelings, my life, my art. After all, I am the center of my own attention, what else would I write about?

It seems as though I'm going to have to make this more clear! That means more stories, more pictures (I may even crop people out just to reinforce) all about - nay, ONLY about, ME! Hopefully then, the logical light weight's won't have any confusion with what my blog is 'about.'

More amazing than the time I ate my weight at Godfathers Pizza

2009-04-17T10:55:00.000-07:00

It was just another night of tomfoolery - that is until I hopped into my car and noticed a napkin laying on my passengers seat? Seriously, did the valet eat in my car?!? After a closer examination I found the valet had not been eating in my car, but boy was he hungry for something, and that something was.........ME? Behold what love at first sight looks like.....

"Hi, I don't know your name, but you are 1,000,000 times beautiful. I want to tell you 1,000 things but I will tell you in 2 words - you are so beautiful. I want invite you for a diner. Please call me give me 1 opportunity. My name is Hector. I am the person that parked your car. Remember me? I know this crazy but I must see you again. Give me a chance you will never regret it. Congradulations for being beautiful."

Ahhhhh Hector, mi amor, as flattering as this all is, how could we ever make it work - How could I trust you? How would I know that you don't leave love napkins in all the girls cars? I can see the jealousy unfolding...... "how was work today papi? Did you congratulate anyone for being 1,000,000 beautiful?!" I just don't think I could bare the heart ache. Alas, true love - doomed before it even began......

the life of a paper princess...

2009-04-02T11:29:00.000-07:00

Oh how I LOVE the California weather! After being held captive for a week with a cold, I felt I deserved a little time outdoors. I suppose its time to go back to work now. If all days could be like yesterday...

Only in my Dreams...

2009-03-26T12:04:00.000-07:00

You'd be surprised, but growing up without a father can actually be a lot of fun. When I was younger, I got to play games that wouldn't be appropriate if I lived in a two parent household. You know the game 'If I had a million dollars, what would I buy?' Well, I put a lil twist on that and played 'If I could pick my daddy, who would it be?'
Since my family has spent a hefty amount of time purchasing things in warehouses, it should come as no surprise that for the past decade, James Caan has been my favorite daddy of choice. Sharing a lot of the same characteristics as the real men in my family (i.e. erratic temper, love for garlic) he seemed like a perfect match. That is, until recently.
Not too long ago, Theresa and I went to see Chaz Palminteri in his one man show of the Bronx Tale. INCREDIBLE. How he so seamlessly portrayed over 20 characters in the 187th street and Belmont Ave hood in 97 minutes with no bathroom brakes was truly remarkable and one of the best theatrical adventures I have ever attended.
After the show I got to meet Chaz, who I quickly came to find, is just about the coolest man to walk the planet. Sorry Jimmy, you've just been dethroned. I can say, with absolute certainty, that Chaz Palminteri is my ultimate dream dad of choice. We even look like we could be related, don't you think? Well, maybe in another life.....
For the record, I would like to apologize in advance to one person in particular if this game is in any way hurtful. Sorry mamma - you know you're the man...

Sretan Rodjen Dan Baba

2009-03-23T17:47:00.000-07:00

Today is my Babas birthday. She would have been 86.
For those of you who didn't have the pleasure of knowing her before she passed, you missed out. Some of my most prized possessions happen to be her broken english post-it notes that I saved. Try and see if you can crack the code on your own first.

Non-refugee spelling: 'Tanja, if Theresa no work today, you girls stop by to take tangerines and cake home. Love, Baba'

Nadam se da si dobro. Nedostajes mi!
Voli te tvoja Tanja

I Heart Patsy

2009-03-20T14:18:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately for me, my boobies haven't grown much since middle school. However, neither has my tush, so I try not to complain too much.
As luck would have it, today is the perfect day to be a member of the IBTC. Not familiar? Yeah, its kind of an invite only type of group which is also otherwise known as the itty bitty titty committee. I was inducted in the 7th grade by classmate Matt Ross (i.e. when he wrote it all over my binder).
Although I've been a member for many moons, I've only received my first benefit as of late. Recently, my sisters bff Patsy ordered some lingerie online that fit a lil too snug and guess who she thought of? ME!
Does it fit? Ooohhhh does it ever - I was doing double takes at myself in the mirror all morning.
Thaaank yooooou Patsy! I know how sad it must have been to relinquish such a jem, but really, in the big picture, its probably best that your 'cups' have runneth over......

40 days of lent my ass

2009-03-16T22:25:00.000-07:00

Now, I'm not trying to complain here, but I was under the impression that lent lasted forty days. ONLY forty days. Nope! Unbenounced to me, forty six days to be exact is the duration of Lent this year. Frustration sets in. Apparently, the 'forty days' represent the time that, according to the Bible, Jesus spent in the dessert before.....bla bla bla let's get back to me now.
You see, I gave up something really important and if I may, a little ambitious this year...... All desserts. Yes, I repeat: ALL DESSERTS! That means no sprinkles cupcakes, no frozen yogurt with captain crunch and blueberry toppings - even my favorite trail mix with white chocolate chips are off limits. Ahahah my taste buds are starting to do the electric slide as we speak.
Why did I give up ALL desserts and not just one? Because my relationship with sweets plays like a bad after school special. First its just an innocent little cookie crumb, then before you know it I'm seven red velvet cupcakes deep and feeling gluttonous as f*#k. I've learned from the past - if I need to give up one, I must stay away from them all.
I was pondering if God would get upset if I took a lil 'time out' since I technically only signed up for forty days? Yeah.....maybe not the best idea. Especially since I'm not exactly the poster child for a model catholic. Not so long ago, while filling out a check for a traffic ticket, I wrote 'tell the officer who gave me this he can eat a d*#k!' in the memo portion. Probably not what Jesus would have done. Also, when there was samples at costco last week, I lied and took two saying one was for my mom. And then I went back a second time. To every stand.
What's a girl to do then? Nothing. I'll just sit here, bide my time and pretend my fruit cup is really a nutella crepe. Let's face it, I'm a woman, I can pretend anything was amazing.
So if you happen to see me out and I pass on something sweet, please don't judge. I swear, I'm not that kind of girl - I'm only doing this for Jesus.

Mama said there'd be days like this

2009-03-11T14:03:00.001-07:00

My life is filled with lots of highs and lows. This trend seems to be most evident in my never a dull moment dating life. A wee bit back I had the worst date of my life. Hard to imagine as previous suitors have set the bar so high, but true.
Believe it or not, it was worse than the time my date's car went up in smoke on the freeway in the middle of timbuktu and I had to be escorted home via AAA Truck. It was worse than the time I was invited for dinner at, and I quote "the terrace of my beverly hills home" which turned out to be eating peasant food on the back patio of his parents house. And even more worse than the time a date came over and saw my doodle 'he's marriage material up the ying yang' next to his name.
Let me set the mood: Its Thursday night and my bff/sister Theresa and I are having girl talk as I meticulously prep for my date. Although T had reservations about my shoes (4" wedges) we mutually decided I was good to go for my evening. Lost in excitement, I scurried out of my building to meet him when I accidentally lose my footwork and plummet down an entire flight of treacherous concrete stairs. Major ouch. Dazed from my concussion, I foolishly limped back up the stairs only to black out as I reached the top (where as I was told) I proceeded to tumble down to the bottom....again. Epic embarrassment.
My memory returns when the paramedics arrived. While laying there, trying to recall what had just happened, I see my date amongst the crowd of people surrounding me. Sh!tballs. This isn't happening. I couldn't be more humiliated. Or so I thought until seconds later the paramedics inform me they need to lift up my dress to access my spine damage before putting me on the stretcher. One would imagine by the look of my borderline too short mini dress that I'd be wearing equally sexy undies to match, right? I happened to be rockin a pair of cotton granny bloomers that I bought in bulk from costco. The crowd had a field day. In my defense, I wasn't planning on taking off my dress so I didn't think it mattered what I was wearing underneath!!!
After a trip to the hospital my diagnosis was as follows: a concussion, fractured tail bone, twisted ankle, dislocated shoulder, countless bumps and bruises and one major blow to my ego.
After months of sitting on an inflatable donut, life is now finally back to normal. Following a serious chat with Theresa, I made some drastic renovations to my undies drawer. Bye bye cotton, hellooooo lacy, ride up your crack, cover up as much as a dorrito would, underwear.
So what happened to the date? I deemed him as bad luck and exiled him to the not for me pile. I'm starting to feel like the Goldie Locks of the Los Angeles dating scene, it seems I've had everything but just right....

I love you this much...

2008-08-29T11:41:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid...

2008-07-31T10:27:00.000-07:00

Recently while stocking up on bra's and panties at the Nordstrom's Anniversary Sale, I couldn't help but notice there were a shocking amount of tweens with... well...boobs. Seriously? How can that be? They're still so...young. Then I realized they had all flocked and set up camp around the padded bra area. Got it.
When I was a kid, we had to stuff our bras. I recall, in an intense game of tether ball, Aimee Almaz's secret wad of toilet paper came flying out of her top and on to the playground for all cruel grade school boys to see. HUMILIATING and quite possibly the worst thing that could happen to a 12 year old girl.
Oh, but that was just the tip of the ice berg. Like McCarthyism, one by one we were all getting called out. I was sweating bullets for my turn. And I should have been... I was guilty. Well, so I thought until Matt Ross proclaimed "The only girl who doesn't stuff her bra is Tanja!" Wait...what? Not only did I stuff my bra, I was packing shoulder pads from my mom's 80's power suits. How do you not notice that! What was I, concave? It felt like a backhanded compliment. Don't get me wrong, I was relieved to dodge the embarrassment of false advertising, but as time lingered, I definitely suffered a burn to the ego for my own shortcomings.
Nowadays, no such insecurities contaminate my thoughts. However, when I see these young girls nonchalantly grab a wonder bra off the racks...it irks me. Don't they know how lucky they are? I would have DIED for something like that when I was a kid. I would have loved to grow up in a time where 'stuffing your bra' was a practically extinct term. How times have changed...

I'm baaaaaaaccck....

2008-07-22T18:57:00.000-07:00

Finally home and well rested from my summer holiday to Croatia. Although I had a lovely time, there were a couple snags in my trip.
While laying on the beach and trying to decompress, I found nothing took me out of kick-back mode like unwanted male attention. I'd like to preface this by saying I'm truly flattered and appreciative whenever any member of the opposite sex approaches with a little chit chat. However, if my fancy has not been caught, I don't mince words, body language or make any attempt to ante up my lack of enthusiasm to ensure no mixed signals are being sent.
As every other not so easy to impress woman can relate to; finding ways to repel men becomes routine. What I thought would be my meal ticket was to pretend like I'm homeless (i.e. don't shower and extend my sleeping attire into 'day wear'). Sadly, this thought to be genius idea does not work, as I still get approached, just usually not by the pick of the litter.
Then I though...what turns me off? DUMB MEN! So, I tried to decrease the appearance of my intelligence. BAD IDEA. Bad, bad, bad idea. Apparently - fluffy, unmotivated, bubble headed women are to men like law practicing, Mercedes driving men are to us. Hmmmm... I'll just act like I'm really smart! Yeah... that... didn't... really... work.
What else can I do? I give up! And just like that, when I stopped pining for answers, it came to me. Actually, it had been within my reach all along - my mother!
I notices when my sister and I were out on our own, we were constantly pestered by croatia's finest. However, when in my mothers company, they all seemed to stay at arms length. I tell you, no smirky attitude, body odor or low IQ can come close to warding off men like being in the presence of my mommy. Like a shepherd, she protects us sheep from the wolves.
When I think about it, it's really just pay back. When my mom started dating after her divorce, the second she brought potential suitors over to the house to meet my sister and I, they would hit the road. Oh... the beauty of life and how things come around full circle! Thanks mom, you're better than garlic :)

funny

2008-06-02T13:15:00.000-07:00

14 down

2008-04-30T22:36:00.000-07:00

Sad, lonely and incomplete. Three words that describe the way I've been feeling the last two weeks since my best friend Richa has been in India. We talk every day, and as per agreement with her fiance, have joint custody on the weekend. Needless to say, I miss Richa desperately. This is the girl that after skipping one day of catch-up said she felt 'totally disconnected' from me. When a drunk, bitter, wish he was my ex-boyfriend called me self-centered and annoying - this girl who got up and screamed 'under no circumstances, no circumstances will I tolerate ANYONE calling Tanja annoying!' This girls scrupulous eye always notices when I cut my hair a half an inch but can never see a couple extra lbs. Richa is, in one word...perfection. Only two more weeks of waiting! Ahhhhh...then all will be well in the land.

The art of having fun

2008-04-18T15:39:00.000-07:00

It's a masterpiece! I'm referring to the seahorse 'birthday plate' I made on a recent trip to color me mine. If you've never been there, you're sooooo missing out! Now my guests are going to feel so special when they come over for dinner.

Also, I'd like to make it clear that I had NO part in the creation of the coffee mug. It was solely painted by my sister Theresa. You really need to see it in person to get the full effect. It's lack of creativity and poorly executed brush strokes just don't translate as severely in photos. Shhhhhh.... don't tell her that - when she asked me what I thought, I told her it looked 'divine.' Hope she doesn't check my blog today.

who knew?

2008-04-11T09:46:00.000-07:00

Call off the dogs, the hunt is over! I'd like to announce that I've just been on the perfect date. Who is this irresistible catch I'm boasting about? Well, to my surprise, it's none other than...me? While dining solo recently, it dawned on me that I was having a ridiculous amount of fun. I asked myself... "am I the perfect date?" I went down the checklist:

Punctuality - right on time (double points).
Restaurant selection - Exactly what I was in the mood for!
Good conversation - My internal dialogue got off to a slow start, but when the guy wearing sketchers walked in... forget about it!
Chemistry - Check.
Hotness factor - Well...when someone else comes up and hits on your date while you're on the date... always a good sign.
Did I just get straight A's? Sweet!

It should have come as no surprise as I recalled a previous conversation my mother and I had...

Mom - Physically what do you look for in a man?
Me - Tall, brown hair, smokey eyes, olive skin, a lean, muscular body...
Mom - Like...you?
Me - Exactly! I'm looking for the male version of meeeee.
Mom - You're weird.

Eureka! All my horrible dates are now making sense. How could anyone possibly follow perfection? Frankly, it's a load off. I can finally unleash the burden of all the times I said "it's not you, it's me." I wasn't lying, it was the truth! I must say, I'm almost disgusted at my self righteousness; never thinking I had a hand in the matter. How narcissistic!

Thanks for the memories...

2008-04-10T09:47:00.000-07:00

If you're on my daily call list, you've already heard of the bum that visited me at work yesterday. One of the many perks of being located on Pico blvd is the number of mobile homed customers who frequent our business. As Sweetpeas will be relocating to Santa Monica this summer, I thought it would be fun to rank my top 5 bum experiences there.

Five - To this day, I have no idea who this bum is. In the middle of the night this THIEF broke into our store and and stole MY brand-new jar of Nutella! The evidence came back inconclusive, but as far as I'm concerned... the investigation is still open.

Number four would have to be the one arm dude that ALWAYS comes in asking for change! After realizing politeness was getting me nowhere, I had to show him I meant business by yelling "get the f**k out!" I haven't seen him since our last run in where I threatened to hurt him. I hope he is doing well :)

Number three is near and dear to my heart. After falling into numerous displays, yelling at the Heidi Swap rhinestone collection and licking one sheet of paper - he reached into his trench coat (where I assumed he had a weapon) but instead pulled out a vintage Diana Ross Record. He claimed he was her drummer until the music industry "sabotaged and pushed him out of the business." Tragic! Had he had any $$$ I would have totally given him the number to my therapist so he could sort out his looming emotional issues.

Number two -- Although they pay taxes, own real estate and have the capacity to shower at their leisure, I still consider the vast majority of men who come into my work to hit on me as bums. Especially since many of them have girlfriends/wives (that they've come in with before). How did they know nothing entices me more than a philandering man! Am I that transparent? Let it be known that my quality of customer service is temperamental.

By leaps and bounds the top spot goes to what we like to call 'the night of the bum.' While drinking champagne late into the evening, a bum broke into our back room, pulled down his pants and... well, we drunkards stumbled out the front door and screamed for help. While he held himself hostage inside our office, the bad-ass LAPD busted in and drug his broke-ass out swat style. AWESOME. I wish every night was as eventful as 'the night of the bum.'

I ain't mad at 'cha

2008-04-09T11:05:00.000-07:00

This past year I've been trying to implement the "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" mentality into my life. Recently, I was put to the test when being pulled over for a driving whoopsie. Instead of trying to talk my way out of the ticket, I accepted that I indeed was in violation and needed to embrace whatever repercussions that came my way. While being written up, I oddly felt a connection between me and the officer. I informed him that, I too had dabbled in Law Enforcement. While being 'hall monitor for the week' in the 5th grade, I took my responsibilities quite seriously as well. My motto was simple: no pass... no pardon... period! I let him know, I wasn't mad at him -- how could I expect someone to offer me a courtesy that I too was incapable of extending. Unfortunately, the officer didn't see our similarities and made it very clear he didn't give a f**k about my story. Oh, I guess that's the chance you take when you put yourself out there. Darn... thought I had made a friend.

'dirty'

2008-04-08T19:01:00.000-07:00

When I say I want to slip into something a little more comfortable... I mean it. This week I haven't been able to sleep a wink without wearing my new pig pen t-shirt. No buyers remorse here! I've been wearing it day and night and have come to realize...I've finally found the perfect shirt. As I am conscious about wearing things I feel are representative of 'me' - I believe this does, especially considering I wake up most mornings looking like a Muppet. But the best part is, it goes with everything! Rest assured it matches fantastically with the rest of my sleeping attire (i.e. ex-boyfriends basketball shorts and brown wool hiking socks). Thank goodness! I'd hate to be a fashion victim...even if only in my sleep.

Bad-Ass Bloggers

2008-03-31T17:59:00.000-07:00

If you don't mind cookie crumbs in bed...you'll love my sister Theresa! Fortunately for you, she's parleyed her flawless taste and vast knowledge of everything fashion into Culture on the Coast, a site dedicated to what she's good at...being fabulous.

After all, she is the one that convinced me to wax my eyebrows, wear a thong, relinquish my scrunchie collection and most recently, dispose a pair of sweatpants I've become partial to because they looked like "rabid dogs have attacked them."

My only objection to her site so far is #5 on the 'what men dislike women to wear' list -- Don't buy cotton undies in bulk from Costco! Wassup wit dat? Hmmm...I'm going to pretend that memo got lost in the shuffle.

My other favorite blog, Armed Snobbery, is penned by the (self proclaimed) Prince of Ballard. He also refers to himself as 'my future husband' (again, self proclaimed). If you like to listen to good music and laugh...you'll love it. Turned off by the picture? OK -- here's a teaser...

"valentines day - bend over backwards to do nice things that are never APPRECIATED, only expected. they EXPECT you to take them out to dinner (and to get a reservation on the busiest dining day of the year and eat sub-par food because the kitchen is so slammed), buy them flowers, and rub their feet. all for what? a smile, a thank you, and to not be deemed an asshole by her mom and all of her girlfriends. sweet! where do i sign up?????"

See what I mean? He had me at bend over.

Geeezze, how am I going to explain this picture to our kids?

One for the Mantel

2008-03-28T23:17:00.000-07:00

One word, three syllables... AMAZING! While on vacation in Croatia, I filled my day with numerous activities. Along with laying in the sun, sleeping, working on my tan, taking a nap and resting -- I also enjoyed taking pictures of men in their speedo's! Actually, let me re-phrase that... I stalk, find my prey, slyly get into position, wait (without time limit) until the perfect shot presents itself. I hope you enjoy the fruits of my labors as much as I do...

Not ready to come home

2007-08-16T01:37:00.000-07:00

I just got back from my summer vacation to Croatia. Two months went by fast! I'll post more pictures soon...

Fun Fact

2007-06-19T22:11:00.000-07:00

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe. Ins't taht cool?

Where did all the men go?

2007-06-18T19:36:00.000-07:00

First off, I'd like to preface this by saying I really wanted to avoid this topic. However, I read a very disturbing article about men wearing makeup and it really sent me over the edge. When did the men get so soft? And I mean that literally, I just met a guy who had a full body scrub done at Burke Williams. WTF? Men have invaded the salons getting their hair tinted, waxed and whatever primping and coifing they need. I had a date once with a guy who didn't want to eat any of the dessert because he was trying to "limit his calorie intake." And he wondered why he got the awkward side hug at the end of the night. But that wasn't as bad as the guy who I noticed had self-tanner streaks on his neck...check please! I love men who like to play sports (yoga and pilates doesn't count), who would freak out over wearing a $250 pair of jeans and who have no idea what a cleanse is. Frankly, I even like it when men smell a little bit. And if they want a tan they should go outside and work on the car, or the deck...or whatever there is to do. They just don't make men like George Clooney anymore. I'd like to quote Mary Poppins by saying he's "practically perfectly in every way."

Playing Tag

2007-05-02T10:40:00.000-07:00

Suzi Finer tagged me to list seven quirky things about myself. Here are the rules…. each player starts with 7 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their seven things, as well as these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose 7 people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them that they have been tagged and to read your blog!

1. I still sleep with my baby blankets (all 4 of them).

2. Every year I try on my high school prom dress to make sure it still fits.

3. If I think a celebrity is cute, I look up his birthday and see if we're a love match.

4. When I'm with kids, I let them prank call all of my ex-boyfriends.

5. I have my own TV show with my friend Pauline called The Jane Austen Gossip Hour. And when I say my own "show" there is no camera, no script, no audience just her and I goofing around and laughing our asses off (for now).

6. When I fly on planes I like to sit in the back because I don't want people to judge how much I get up and go to the bathroom.

7. And last but not least I am obsessed with checking my teeth for stray food (refer to picture above).

Pining for Pretty Prints

2007-04-17T11:39:00.000-07:00

Growing up in a household of women you learn a few things -- what good food is, the proper way to clean, how to pick the wrong man, and the importance of printed toilet paper. It was a sad day for my sister and I when we realized Angel Soft's 'Pretty Prints' toilet paper (a luxury we'd been accustomed to our entire lives) had gone extinct in the state of California. That is until I walked into the Gelson's in century city...hallelujah! I was so excited I grabbed as many packages as my little arms could carry. In fact, this discovery couldn't have come at a better time as I felt it was the perfect Easter gift for Theresa. My male friends mocked my find and were utterly confused to why a woman would want toilet paper as a gift. But ain't that men for you, always thinking they know what women want down there. As you can tell from the picture...success. I may not know a lot, but I know my sister.