I ain't mad at 'cha

This past year I've been trying to implement the "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" mentality into my life. Recently, I was put to the test when being pulled over for a driving whoopsie. Instead of trying to talk my way out of the ticket, I accepted that I indeed was in violation and needed to embrace whatever repercussions that came my way. While being written up, I oddly felt a connection between me and the officer. I informed him that, I too had dabbled in Law Enforcement. While being 'hall monitor for the week' in the 5th grade, I took my responsibilities quite seriously as well. My motto was simple: no pass... no pardon... period! I let him know, I wasn't mad at him -- how could I expect someone to offer me a courtesy that I too was incapable of extending. Unfortunately, the officer didn't see our similarities and made it very clear he didn't give a f**k about my story. Oh, I guess that's the chance you take when you put yourself out there. Darn... thought I had made a friend.

Bad-Ass Bloggers

If you don't mind cookie crumbs in bed...you'll love my sister Theresa! Fortunately for you, she's parleyed her flawless taste and vast knowledge of everything fashion into Culture on the Coast, a site dedicated to what she's good at...being fabulous.

After all, she is the one that convinced me to wax my eyebrows, wear a thong, relinquish my scrunchie collection and most recently, dispose a pair of sweatpants I've become partial to because they looked like "rabid dogs have attacked them."

My only objection to her site so far is #5 on the 'what men dislike women to wear' list -- Don't buy cotton undies in bulk from Costco! Wassup wit dat? Hmmm...I'm going to pretend that memo got lost in the shuffle.

My other favorite blog, Armed Snobbery, is penned by the (self proclaimed) Prince of Ballard. He also refers to himself as 'my future husband' (again, self proclaimed). If you like to listen to good music and laugh...you'll love it. Turned off by the picture? OK -- here's a teaser...

"valentines day - bend over backwards to do nice things that are never APPRECIATED, only expected. they EXPECT you to take them out to dinner (and to get a reservation on the busiest dining day of the year and eat sub-par food because the kitchen is so slammed), buy them flowers, and rub their feet. all for what? a smile, a thank you, and to not be deemed an asshole by her mom and all of her girlfriends. sweet! where do i sign up?????"

See what I mean? He had me at bend over.

Geeezze, how am I going to explain this picture to our kids?

Not ready to come home

I just got back from my summer vacation to Croatia. Two months went by fast! I'll post more pictures soon...

Fun Fact

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe. Ins't taht cool?

Where did all the men go?

First off, I'd like to preface this by saying I really wanted to avoid this topic. However, I read a very disturbing article about men wearing makeup and it really sent me over the edge. When did the men get so soft? And I mean that literally, I just met a guy who had a full body scrub done at Burke Williams. WTF? Men have invaded the salons getting their hair tinted, waxed and whatever primping and coifing they need. I had a date once with a guy who didn't want to eat any of the dessert because he was trying to "limit his calorie intake." And he wondered why he got the awkward side hug at the end of the night. But that wasn't as bad as the guy who I noticed had self-tanner streaks on his neck...check please! I love men who like to play sports (yoga and pilates doesn't count), who would freak out over wearing a $250 pair of jeans and who have no idea what a cleanse is. Frankly, I even like it when men smell a little bit. And if they want a tan they should go outside and work on the car, or the deck...or whatever there is to do. They just don't make men like George Clooney anymore. I'd like to quote Mary Poppins by saying he's "practically perfectly in every way."

Pining for Pretty Prints

Growing up in a household of women you learn a few things -- what good food is, the proper way to clean, how to pick the wrong man, and the importance of printed toilet paper. It was a sad day for my sister and I when we realized Angel Soft's 'Pretty Prints' toilet paper (a luxury we'd been accustomed to our entire lives) had gone extinct in the state of California. That is until I walked into the Gelson's in century city...hallelujah! I was so excited I grabbed as many packages as my little arms could carry. In fact, this discovery couldn't have come at a better time as I felt it was the perfect Easter gift for Theresa. My male friends mocked my find and were utterly confused to why a woman would want toilet paper as a gift. But ain't that men for you, always thinking they know what women want down there. As you can tell from the picture...success. I may not know a lot, but I know my sister.

How well do you know your neighbors?

So, I've been at home sick all week long -- thank god for 80's movies on TBS! I got to enjoy one film that I've always felt paralleled my life...The 'Burbs. I haven't actually discovered a crazy neighbor, but I'm always on the look out. For example, there was the time I thought the lady next door was the next unabomber. She never spoke to anyone and in the middle of the night a suspicious little man would drop a suspicious little black box on her doorstep. It turned out she was doing the zone diet. Then there was the time I thought someone had dumped a dead body in the dumpster -- it ended up being a very ...large ...doll. And then there was the time I for sure thought my neighbors were in a cult. That one I wasn't entirely off, they were in a pyramid group. After years of conspiracy theory's not panning out, it suddenly dawned on me...am I the weird neighbor? Who else spy's in the middle of the night, listens to conversations through vents, conjures up preposterous ideas and thinks being at home sick is the perfect time to check up on people? It seems as if what I've been looking for has been under my nose the entire time. I guess it's true when they say sometimes on the journey all you end up finding is yourself. In closing, I'd like to tell how wonderful my Tivo has been throughout this miserable cold. When torn that Overboard and Three Men and a Baby were playing at the same time, I found I could record one and watch the other simultaneously. AMAZING.