Las Vegas. Bachlorette Party. Oh my.

First things first.....the bed. Now, I'm no princess and the pea, but comfortable sleeping conditions are imperative. How was my mattress? Let's see.....

It was puuuuurrrffeecccct!

Working on my tan

Making friends at the pool

It all started out so innocent

Should have put down the drinks.....HERE

Well.....we felt sexy

The most intense five minutes of my life

Don't think you can afford to stay at the Ritz? Try jacking the maids cart! I thik I make have broke even.


Diary of a mad black woman

Mother's Day is here again - and what better way to show my love and admiration for my mother than with the excessively open forum that is my blog.

I must say, I've been waiting for this holiday to come around as I still live with the guilt for falling short on her birthday a couple months ago. Unfortunately, I didn't plan properly and had to overnight my mothers present to ensure it arrived in time. All was well shows how much the postage is right on the front of the box?!? Uuuutttooooohhhh - the warden (pet name) is not going to like this!

You see, my family immigrated from Croatia as penniless refugees, and the act of throwing money away senselessly is unacceptable. Needless to say, I had to cover my tracks.

My mission: Persuade Rita, the lovely post office worker to cover up the cost of postage.

Me: is there annnny way you can cover up the cost of the shipping?

Rita: No

Me: Yeeaaaah.....this a present for my mom and she's gonna go bananas if she sees how much it was to send this. Can't you just cover that little itty bitty part up with a 'fragile' sticker?

Rita: No, I cannot.

Me: Well, I just......

Rita: You shoudda planned better. Especially if this is fo ya mother.

Me: I realize this but...

Rita: I don't wanna hear it! You're just like my kids- "Mamma I'm sooooorrry" Don't plan, don't save, don't THINK! That's why ya'll are broke! Did you know you can.......

Unfortunately, I have a hard time recalling the rest of our conversation as I started to look around and noticed EVERYONE captivated by my lashing. Looks like I missed out on customer service day.

Mission status: FAILURE

Although I didn't feel my actions had warranted such a tirade, I did learn my lesson and mom received her mothers day gift with plenty of time to spare. Its the least I can do for all she has done. My mom even claims she walked through the valley of death for me, but I know for a fact its not true. Unless the valley of death is code for the block and a half she would walk to 7 11 to support the apocalyptic fudgesicle addiction she had when she was pregnant with me.

So, my lovely mother, happy mothers day. I may not have walked through the valley of death for you, but walking through the valley of Rita's wrath was no picnic either.


call me

Ever since spring began, I've noticed new love in the air more than ever. Unfortunately, as great as love is, it also comes with a whole set of problems. Enter the battle of proper communication.

As I'm sure the inventor of text messaging thought they had just come up with the best invention since waterproof M80's, they in fact just single handedly changed the dating world as we know it. Phone calls seem to be extinct, as boys think texting is their only way of communicating with us. This peeves me.

Why? Because just as girls don't like to go to the bathroom without a partner, they don't like send a message without it being proof read either. I myself don't like to collaborate, but have been called upon increasingly for double checks. So much in fact that I think the joke 'how many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb' doesn't hold a candle to the sad truth 'how many girls does it take to construct a text message?' It seems the answer is always plural. Now, waiting around for a boy to text me isn't how i want to spend my fertile years, so I request phone time. I haven't been able to come up with a brilliant response, but until I do 'call me' seems to do the trick.

Speaking of brilliant texts, I would like to share the most amazing jewel of a text message I've ever received. It came from an eastern european gentleman, so if you can swing the accent, you will most definitely get double the laugh.

My answer?
"I'd like to be 'onest' with you....its never gonna happen.....